Connecting Coaches, Creatives, & Curious Folks through what's emerging in this moment

Posts tagged ‘down-sizing’

Moving Through Pain Moving Through

images-1“That’s the thing about pain,” Augustus said, and then glanced back at me. “It demands to be felt” ~ John Green (from The Fault in Our Stars)

Last year, I sold my house and moved across town to the lower level of my mother’s condo.  It took me 6 months to complete the move which included my mom’s condo being remodeled, prepping my home to sell, and getting rid of many things.  There was much pain associated with that move: letting go of so much stuff, moving my kids out of our home, and selling a home I loved.

And then, things settled.

Once settled, I felt FREE.  My medical debt was erased, my life was smaller and simpler, my kids were finding their way without me, and my mom was healthy enough that I could move about my life quite freely without worrying about her.   There was this precious window of time that I knew I must savor, because I knew it was to be short-lived.  Wasn’t sure why, just trusted my gut.

Now, we’re moving again.  Not across town, but instead cross country to New York.  My belongings must be further shed.  More pain must be felt.  I’m getting used to this.  I hold something in my hands that I’ve held since childhood and decide.  Sometimes, there’s no pain at all, and I just toss it.  Sometimes, a wave hits me, I feel it… then put it in a box for Goodwill.  Other times, it just goes back into a box to keep.  For now.  It’s a funny thing about this pain though; When I let myself feel it, get familiar with it, let it move whatever it’s meant to move… it then moves on.  It doesn’t linger.  It doesn’t grab hold and make me suffer as I sometimes imagine it will.  As John Green said in his film and book, The Fault In Our Stars, it DEMANDS to be felt.  Once it is, it often quiets right down.

In this move, there are things I haven’t felt the pain of yet – some by choice, some just because I haven’t gotten to them yet.  The more I get clear that I just need to be willing to feel it, the more clear I am that I’ll soon be free – perhaps more free than I’ve ever been.

As I’ve worked with coaching clients through the years, often where they get stuck is around something that will result in feeling some pain.  They’re afraid sometimes, and usually it’s a fear they’ll feel pain of some kind.  I’m thinking now that part of my job as a coach is to help them remember that pain demands to be felt, that it’s only pain, and that there is tremendous freedom on the other side.

What sayeth you?

Freely yours,

Helen

 

 

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It’s Opener There

Seuss Wide Open AirFor years I’ve been reading Dr. Seuss’s “Oh the Places you’ll Go!” with great enthusiasm to groups of adults ‘kindergarten style’ celebrating the wonderful way Seuss invites us all to boldly claim our lives. “Except when you don’t, because sometimes you won’t” has become a philosophy of life, always reminding me to stay optimistic and believe in possibilities, while knowing there’s always a chance things won’t go as planned. Dashing boldly out into the wide open spaces where “it’s opener there in the wide open air” , however, has not always been my forte. Though some may disagree, in my book, I often play it safe.

A month or two ago, my mother was griping about our endless winter. Though she’s not what I’d call a complainer, around March each year the weather whining starts. This year, the ice finally left Lake Superior on June 4th which gifted us with extra time to moan and groan about the length of winter!  After listening to her mild complaints, I casually said one day, “We could move, y’know.”

Fast forward to today; We have a signed contract for the purchase small57Fernbankof a new house in Delmar, NY!  (I know I know… it’s not exactly WARM there in winter either!) My mother’s condo is on the market with potential buyers lined up to look. When my mom makes up her mind about something, it happens in short order. That’s how she rolls.

In the midst of it all, I find myself in a most curious state. On the one hand, I have saboteurs that are having a heyday with me about being in my 50s, single, and living with my mother, moving to a state I never imagined myself living, and squeezing myself back down into one bedroom after 30 some years of being an adult with my own home. Nothing about it feels permanent to me. It’s a bit like I’m going on an extended trip and part of it will involve time travel back to my childhood. Buckle up!

On the other hand, everything about this feels Right. Capital ‘R’ Right. Deep in my bones and heart Right. It’s (more…)

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