Bubbles burst, rain clouds burst, buds burst into bloom, tinder bursts into flame, fireworks burst across the sky, and my heart bursts wide open. Once something bursts, it transforms. The bubble won’t be put back, the cloud can’t have the raindrops shoved back in, the flower wouldn’t dream of being pushed back into bud. What about the heart? If it has truly burst wide open, can it close down or harden again? We often have moments when we think we’re ‘about to burst’, but we don’t really. We almost transform, but instead we have a lovely or powerful experience. It’s easy to go back to the old way from a ‘lovely experience’. Not so easy if we are truly burst open.
Since I awoke in the ICU I’ve been pushed to the ‘about to burst’ point over and over again. I can’t tell you how often I’ve burst into tears — sometimes from sadness, worry, or despair, but mostly because the love was more than I thought I could bear. At first, the words overwhelmed me. Comforting, yes, in many ways… but also like a tire or balloon being filled too full much of the time. The food people brought, the cards sent, the conversations shared, and the endless messages of love and support offered in countless ways — these were all part of the ‘about to burst’ phenomenon.
Launching the fundraiser has pushed me to the bursting point again and again. Oh my! It takes a certain kind of courage to ask for help so directly. I’ve needed to trust that people’s words are genuine when they (more…)