Connecting Coaches, Creatives, & Curious Folks through what's emerging in this moment

Posts tagged ‘open heart’

Deathwatch and Mediporn

cosmic-eyeI’m dying. Every day I’m a day closer to being dead. Cells die off constantly throughout my body. And if I’m lucky and intentional enough about it, old habits, rules, ideas, and useless behaviors die along with those cells.

I’m being born. Every day, new cells in me are created. Every day new life emerges in this very body bringing me more alive all the time. New ideas emerge, new thoughts, relationships, and neural pathways are born bringing me ever closer to the Light we all strive for.

I’m living. Each day that my heart is beating, my lungs are doing their job, and the neurons keep firing; I am living. Each moment that I seek new learning, share with others, or engage in anything that lights my fire – I am very, very ALIVE.

Which part of me are you going to interact with? The dying part? The being created anew part? Or the living part? They all matter. They all have relevance… a particular role to play in this cycle of Life.

When I asked my client today, “What are the conversations you’re avoiding?” he replied with, “I don’t talk to people who are on deathwatch any more.” When I asked him to elaborate he described those people who don’t know how to deal with the fact his illness is terminal, they don’t know how to relate to him as a living being, but rather because they’re so distressed by the idea they’ll lose him one day and that they won’t know how to handle that themselves; they seem to be just waiting for him to die. They’re on deathwatch.

When time is in short supply, and the energy one has to share with any given person in a day is limited, the last thing someone who is dancing with an illness needs is to be the caretaker in a conversation – the one making it okay for everyone else that they happen to be dying a little faster than the rest of us probably are.

I asked if he was tired of people resorting to asking for report outs about his current physical state. After chatting about how we all tend to let our curiosity be about ailments, effects of medication, and have an incessant need to know why this or that happened, he blurted out “Mediporn!” (more…)

Burst Wide Open

Bubbles burst, rain clouds burst, buds burst into bloom, tinder bursts into flame, fireworks burst across the sky, and my heart bursts wide open.  Once something bursts, it transforms.  The bubble won’t be put back, the cloud can’t have the raindrops shoved back in, the flower wouldn’t dream of being pushed back into bud.  What about the heart?  If it has truly burst wide open, can it close down or harden again?  We often have moments when we think we’re ‘about to burst’, but we don’t really.  We almost transform, but instead we have a lovely or powerful experience.  It’s easy to go back to the old way from a ‘lovely experience’.  Not so easy if we are truly burst open.

Since I awoke in the ICU I’ve been pushed to the ‘about to burst’ point over and over again.  I can’t tell you how often I’ve burst into tears — sometimes from sadness, worry, or despair, but mostly because the love was more than I thought I could bear.  At first, the words overwhelmed me.  Comforting, yes, in many ways… but also like a tire or balloon being filled too full much of the time.  The food people brought, the cards sent, the conversations shared, and the endless messages of love and support offered in countless ways — these were all part of the ‘about to burst’ phenomenon.

Launching the fundraiser has pushed me to the bursting point again and again.  Oh my!  It takes a certain kind of courage to ask for help so directly.  I’ve needed to trust that people’s words are genuine when they (more…)

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