As I enter the blogosphere, one of the most motivating reasons for me to write is to begin to unravel, make sense of, and share what’s rattling around in this brain of mind since my NDE (Near Death Experience) in March. People ask me things like “What’s changed?” or “What did you learn?” or “Are you back to your old self yet?”. There was so much packed into that experience that it may take me a long time to sort it out. Heck, it was already complicated in that brain o’ mine — this just added a few dozen more knots and layers!
Today I’ve been reflecting on Mother’s Day, not pretending, and delight. Bear with me as I untangle this knot. Yesterday was Mother’s Day. I still have my mother close by, so spending time with her was essential. My teenage daughter lives with me, so spending time with her was a possibility too. She had gone away with her dad over the weekend, so I wasn’t sure if she’d be home in time to hang out with me. Though a part of me thinks days like Mother’s Day were invented by Hallmark and shouldn’t be given much merit, another part really enjoys both honoring my own mom and having my motherhood celebrated and acknowledged. It’s a strange thing. Holidays like this can bring expectations, obligation, and disappointment along with the love, joy, and appreciation so widely marketed. Sometimes in order to not encounter those first elements, I pretend the holiday doesn’t matter. Truth is, this year, months after my NDE… it really did matter to me. (more…)